You Gave My Emptiness a Name

I messed up big time with Sean. I know that a good portion of our problems was my fault. I know that it was my own insecurities that made me get mad at him all the time. And I know that I have a hell of a lot of work to do on myself to make things work between us, I'm just praying that he can find it in his heart to forgive me. I know I've put him through a lot of shit that he didn't deserve to go through. I'm working on doing some soulsearching, and a lot of thinking. I just hope that it's enough. I would do anything for him, to keep him in my life. I just don't know what he wants me to do. I know I need to control my anger and my insecurities and I'm going to. I promise I'm going to. I just don't know if that's enough for him. I'm beginning to come to grips with my own problems, where before I never acknowledged them as my problems, they were always someone else's problems. I've been hurting the people that I love and I'm just now starting to realize that. I don't want to keep hurting other people, and I don't want to keep hurting myself. I know it's gonna take a while for me to fix myself, I just really hope that Sean will be patient with me, as he always has been. And I promise I won't keep taking him for granted. I just want him to let me come back. To let me love him in all the ways that I haven't been lately. I know I can't keep getting mad at him, I have to talk things out with him when they bother me, not just yell at him. I need to realize that a lot of things are my fault, and I need to figure out how to fix them on my own, and not get mad at him because I'm too stubborn and proud to admit my faults. I said a lot of things to him recently that I never should've said. Things that aren't true. I was mad at Sadie, and it wasn't right for me to take it out on him. And I regret that more than anything right now, because that's why I lost him. I'm so sorry Sean, I just want you back, and I promise I'll do anything. I will always love you.