Little Girl, You're In The Middle Of The Ride

Caught in the middle of Jon and Sean and I don't know where to turn. I love Sean, but I'd rather be with Jon. And I know Jon's crazy about me but he loves Maggie more. Liking Jon is like being on a roller-coaster  You start off slow, and for a little while you think this is it so you get used to it, tell yourself it isn't so bad if it stays this way. But then the next thing you know, you're so high up and you don't even know how you got there. All you can think about is how terrified you are to fall. And then it happens, a drop so fast you can barely breathe. But then you stop, even though you didn't hit the bottom yet. You look around and see that you're on your way back up. You think "this has to be the end". It's only a matter of time before you're on top of the world and you start to think nothing can bring you down when you're this high up. But the reality is, the higher up you get, the farther and faster you fall. And you soon realize that every roller-coaster ends right back on the bottom where it began. I'm trying to tell myself that liking Jon anymore than a friend is useless because it's never gonna happen, and I'm trying to be happy with Sean but all I can think about is how I want Jon to be the one that loves me. The one who would describe their perfect day as one that starts and ends with me. But I know deep down that that's never gonna be the case. And I do love Sean and I know that he loves me and I'm trying so hard to make it work but at the same time I feel so guilty about it. I don't want Sean to be my second option and I can't help feeling like the only reason I'm trying to make it work is because I can't be with Jon. I feel like a horrible person and I don't want to be but I don't know what to do anymore.