The Little Things Count

Just wanted to say that I miss you. You will always be in my thoughts and my heart no matter what. So many little things happen every day that just make me think of you. And with Christmas so close I can't stop wishing you were here. I just finished my first semester of college and I know you'd be proud of me. I met this kid at work and he kind of reminds me of you. Cocky and dorky all at the same time. He's definitely his own person, just like you always were. You never conformed the way Alex or I did, you were just you no matter what. I always admired you for that. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I miss you and I'm thinking about you. Love you bro<3

What If I Say That I'll Never Surrender

Some things need to be all or nothing, black or white, yes or no. There is no in between, no shades of gray, and no maybes. You don't want to lose me? You lost me when you told me to leave. When you asked me to walk out the door. You were my everything and you brought me down to nothing. And you expect everything to just go back to the way it was? You couldn't lose me if you tried, I'm not yours anymore. So why are we still half-assing this 'relationship'? In the words of Taylor Swift, "we're never getting back together" so stop trying! It's never gonna happen.

I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In

Been a while since I blogged but not a lot has happened. Drama with Sean, Jon is pretty hot and cold, class is almost over just waiting for finals, and I've been working my ass off at Dick's. Nothing really new. Hung out with Sean a couple times, things are going okay. He still desperately wants me back and I'm still not interested in a relationship. Jon has been weird. Katy Perry could write a number of songs about out relationship. Hot and Cold is the current one though. Sometimes things are totally normal and we chill like we used to and its great and then sometimes its awkward, he seems reserved. I'm sure I'm just over reacting like always though. I'm so happy classes are over for this semester but I'm not ready for next semester yet. 5 classes is gonna be ridiculous especially if I'm working too, I don't know if I could handle that. Speaking of work, it's been ridiculous. 8-10 hour shifts 6 days a week. Usually closing too so I'm there till about midnight, it's been crazy. The people are all pretty nice though, so that's good. And the guys there are hot as fuckkkk. Anywayy, not much else to say so I'll hop off for a while but hopefully it won't be as long before I hop back on.

My Life For Hire

Today I went to the movies with Sean and saw The Life of Pi. For anyone who hasn't seen it, stop waiting. For anyone who isn't interested in seeing it, get interested. And for anyone who isn't sure, believe me when I tell you that it will change your outlook on life. There is beauty all around us. It isn't in the clothes or the make up or the cars or anything else like that, it's in the world around us, in the nature we see every day and take for granted. There is so much out there to explore and to be seen and I wish I had the privilege to see it. To see the ocean at night, and not just the shore, I mean the middle of the ocean with all that life swimming right underneath you. I couldn't imagine what it's like working in a zoo or living in one, and I'd have to say that would be a dream come true for me. Animals are nothing like people. People are selfish liars. Animals have nothing to hide. A dog will love you unconditionally regardless of skin tone, gender, or sexual preference. As long as you treat it right, it will love you till it dies. You will never meet a person who loves anything the way a dog loves. An animal sees every day as a gift, and is more thankful to simply be alive than most people ever are in their life. I hope that one day I will have the privilege to spend my life with animals because I would take them over people any day. 

I Wanna Grow Old With You

I've come to the conclusion that I'm never getting married. But that doesn't mean I want to live the single life forever and party with random guys every night or any of that bullshit. I still want a serious relationship. I want to fall in love and all that junk, and I do believe that everyone has a soul mate. But that doesn't mean that you only love once. I know that I will love more deeply than I every imagined, but eventually it'll probably end. And then once I've healed, I'll fall in love again. I understand that and I'm okay with it. I also know that with marriage comes divorce, and I don't want that. I want to fall in love and move in together and grow old together but I don't want to have kids and put them through the pain of watching their parents get divorced. My parents were divorced by the time I was born, and I was 16 before I really knew who my dad was. I went through countless step dads who were all monsters in some way shape or form, and I'm not gonna be responsible for putting a child through that. So in conclusion, I'm never getting married.

College Experience?

I've literally spent my entire day sitting in front of this laptop attempting to write this damn research paper, and I think it's time I give up for the night. I've gotten about 4 1/2 pages done so far and I don't see it getting any further. The only problem is, I feel like it sucks. My whole introduction is all about designer babies and choosing traits, but the body is about screening for genetic disorders and gender selection, I barely have anything about actually choosing traits. In my most recent paragraph I finally brought up the topic because I realized I had barely said anything about it yet but I don't have much more to say about it. I explained the process behind it, but there really isn't much more to say on it. When I finish it tomorrow I think I'm gonna have Jon look at it and see what he thinks. I'm just not confident in it yet and it's due on Wednesday.

On another note, I started talking to Sean today. I had the craziest dream last night, not even gonna begin to explain it, but Sean was in it and it really made me miss him. I do love him still deep down, but when he walked away he broke my heart, and although I got past it, my heart never healed, and now it's like it won't me let him in.

Baby Steps

I cleared things up with Sean, me and Jon are back on the right track, and I'm making friends at work. They're baby steps but progress is progress. This is gonna be a short entry cause I have to get ready for work, but I'm taking the steps to get back to a happy life, even if it doesn't have a man in it :)