Forever and Always

I can finally say I'm beginning to feel complete with who I am. I was going through a rough patch where I just didn't feel good about myself. Sometimes I feel like everything I do is wrong, like I'm not good for anything, I just fuck things up, and I'll never be good enough for anyone. But Rikki helped me get through that. He makes me feel like I'm worth something. He makes me so happy, but not just like, I'm happy when I'm with him, it's more like, he makes me feel like a better person. I'm so used to being knocked down, but he helps me get back up again and stand a little taller. Plus he's just amazing. I'm so in love with him, with everything about him. So many people are trying to break us apart, or just talking smack about us, about me to him, about him to me, but none of it matters. He's perfect in my eyes, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

But anyway, this isn't all about him, it's about me too and right now I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm finally done with this semester and I can just focus on work and enjoying my summer with the most amazing boyfriend. I have no worries right now, other than the typically shit at my house, but not even that can tear me down. 

Insecurities

Why do I always feel like I'm just not good enough? I never feel like I'm good enough for anybody. And that's why everyone always leaves. Boyfriends, friends, I mean my parents didn't even want me. And if I was never good enough for any of them, why would I be good enough for Rikki now? I'm not. And I will never feel like I am. Why should he stick around? I'm never gonna be good enough for him, and there will always be better girls out there. People in my life only stick around while it's convenient for them. Eventually they're gonna leave, and maybe they'll come back when they feel like it, cause you know I'll always be right here waiting. And this is exactly why I'm always gonna be waiting for Rikki to leave, no matter how many times he tells me he isn't going anywhere. Why would he stay? I'm not worth it.

Love And Be Loved

A few months ago I wrote in a post that I wanted a man to take on the world with and I think I found him. For almost two months now I've been with someone really amazing. He's reminded me that it's okay to feel something. He even showed me how when I didn't think I could anymore. It felt like fate. We thought we were broken beyond repair with nothing left, but he saw the real me that was buried down inside, and I saw him. And from the moment we met I've loved every part of him. I thought he was just some guy who didn't really give a shit, but now I know that he's a sweetheart who wants the same thing I do, to love and be loved. I don't know if I'm ready to be loved but I know that if I am, I want it to be him and no one else. He's all I think about, all I want. And I'm his, completely.

"Let others race to the moon,
Through time and space to the moon.
My goal is greater than this,
To reach your lips, to share your kiss.
To stay in your arms
Is the dream I pursue.
To be sheltered and safe from the storm,
To be cozy and ever so warm,
And for always to love 
And be loved by you."