I'm Not Your Cinderella

Every now and then, you get in a position where you just feel stuck. You don't know what to do, what to think, where to turn, or who to call. And when those times come, there's only three things you can do.

1. Put the past in the past. You have to realize that everything happens for a reason. You may not know what those reasons are, but you have to acknowledge that they're there and eventually you'll figure them out. You also have to realize that you can't change things once they've happened, all you can do is move on and learn from the experiences.
2. Keep your chin up. Forget the fake smiles, and just be proud. Be proud of who you are and know that you can only improve from here. We are ever changing and ever growing and no matter where you stand at this moment, if you pick you head up and stay positive, you'll be heading in the right direction.
3. Move forward. The first step is the hardest, but it's also the most important. And make sure you keep moving, don't take the first step then turn back. Don't rush it, but just keep moving at your own pace.

What Would You Give To Get Away?

Belting this out in the shower today, sometimes all you need is some Train<3 ;

"If I could ride this slide into forever

What would I give to getaway

That pain that stayed

Seemed like forever

What would you give to getaway?

I know this is how I could be over you

You know this is not another waste of time

All this holding on can't be wrong

Just come back to me and I am not alone"

Blinded By Love

“So in the middle of all the noise, I point to the sky. I hope he understands what I mean, because I mean so many things: My heart will always fly his name. I won't go gentle. I'll find a way to soar like the angels in the stories and I will find him. And I know he understands as he looks straight at me, deep into my eyes. His lips move silently, and I know what he says: the words of a poem that only two people in the world know. Tears well up but I blink them away. Because if there is one moment in my life that I want to see clearly, this is it.”

“Everyone has something of beauty about them. But loving let's you look, and look, and look again. You notice the back of a hand, the turn of a head, the way of a walk. When you first love, you look blind and you see it all as the glorious, beloved whole, or a beautiful sum of beautiful parts. But when you see the one you love as pieces, as why's, you can love those parts too, and it's a love at once more complicated and more complete.”

The Little Things Count

Just wanted to say that I miss you. You will always be in my thoughts and my heart no matter what. So many little things happen every day that just make me think of you. And with Christmas so close I can't stop wishing you were here. I just finished my first semester of college and I know you'd be proud of me. I met this kid at work and he kind of reminds me of you. Cocky and dorky all at the same time. He's definitely his own person, just like you always were. You never conformed the way Alex or I did, you were just you no matter what. I always admired you for that. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I miss you and I'm thinking about you. Love you bro<3

What If I Say That I'll Never Surrender

Some things need to be all or nothing, black or white, yes or no. There is no in between, no shades of gray, and no maybes. You don't want to lose me? You lost me when you told me to leave. When you asked me to walk out the door. You were my everything and you brought me down to nothing. And you expect everything to just go back to the way it was? You couldn't lose me if you tried, I'm not yours anymore. So why are we still half-assing this 'relationship'? In the words of Taylor Swift, "we're never getting back together" so stop trying! It's never gonna happen.

I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In

Been a while since I blogged but not a lot has happened. Drama with Sean, Jon is pretty hot and cold, class is almost over just waiting for finals, and I've been working my ass off at Dick's. Nothing really new. Hung out with Sean a couple times, things are going okay. He still desperately wants me back and I'm still not interested in a relationship. Jon has been weird. Katy Perry could write a number of songs about out relationship. Hot and Cold is the current one though. Sometimes things are totally normal and we chill like we used to and its great and then sometimes its awkward, he seems reserved. I'm sure I'm just over reacting like always though. I'm so happy classes are over for this semester but I'm not ready for next semester yet. 5 classes is gonna be ridiculous especially if I'm working too, I don't know if I could handle that. Speaking of work, it's been ridiculous. 8-10 hour shifts 6 days a week. Usually closing too so I'm there till about midnight, it's been crazy. The people are all pretty nice though, so that's good. And the guys there are hot as fuckkkk. Anywayy, not much else to say so I'll hop off for a while but hopefully it won't be as long before I hop back on.

My Life For Hire

Today I went to the movies with Sean and saw The Life of Pi. For anyone who hasn't seen it, stop waiting. For anyone who isn't interested in seeing it, get interested. And for anyone who isn't sure, believe me when I tell you that it will change your outlook on life. There is beauty all around us. It isn't in the clothes or the make up or the cars or anything else like that, it's in the world around us, in the nature we see every day and take for granted. There is so much out there to explore and to be seen and I wish I had the privilege to see it. To see the ocean at night, and not just the shore, I mean the middle of the ocean with all that life swimming right underneath you. I couldn't imagine what it's like working in a zoo or living in one, and I'd have to say that would be a dream come true for me. Animals are nothing like people. People are selfish liars. Animals have nothing to hide. A dog will love you unconditionally regardless of skin tone, gender, or sexual preference. As long as you treat it right, it will love you till it dies. You will never meet a person who loves anything the way a dog loves. An animal sees every day as a gift, and is more thankful to simply be alive than most people ever are in their life. I hope that one day I will have the privilege to spend my life with animals because I would take them over people any day. 

I Wanna Grow Old With You

I've come to the conclusion that I'm never getting married. But that doesn't mean I want to live the single life forever and party with random guys every night or any of that bullshit. I still want a serious relationship. I want to fall in love and all that junk, and I do believe that everyone has a soul mate. But that doesn't mean that you only love once. I know that I will love more deeply than I every imagined, but eventually it'll probably end. And then once I've healed, I'll fall in love again. I understand that and I'm okay with it. I also know that with marriage comes divorce, and I don't want that. I want to fall in love and move in together and grow old together but I don't want to have kids and put them through the pain of watching their parents get divorced. My parents were divorced by the time I was born, and I was 16 before I really knew who my dad was. I went through countless step dads who were all monsters in some way shape or form, and I'm not gonna be responsible for putting a child through that. So in conclusion, I'm never getting married.